I think we all do it. You know, question our ability to be a good mother. Start breaking down ourselves. Even at time calling ourselves a failure. But why? What is it that makes us question our beliefs, our parenting, our ability to be a "good" mother? And what constitutes as a "good" mother in the first place?!
I have been questioned on time about my parenting, as if it were the person's business in the first place. And in most instants I feel that the person questioning has no ground too. But, I don't bring that up because that would be rude. I'm the kind of mom who believes in almost so-called "free range" parenting. The mom that parents from a distance, allowing her child to make mistakes and stepping in when limits need to be given but always offering affection and acceptance. My child is always attached to me and I like that! YES, I will carry my three year old around if thats what he needs!
For a long time I felt like a complete failure as a parent. Struggling with society definition of parenting and discipline and how a mother should act when a child is "misbehaving."( Urgh.. I hate that word! I child doesn't misbehave! he acts in a way to get his needs met. But that's a whole other blog!) It felt wrong for me to parent in such a way and furthermore it felt wrong for my child. I felt that it was best for me to response and explain rather than react to the situation. Yet support from anyone besides of course my husband was nonexistent. It wasn't until I started making connections with parents who felt similar as me. I think it gave me the confidence that I was lacking. But, yet even in support of others you can still feel as if you are failing by comparing yourself to the super awesome crunchy mama who has never given her child a happy meal. Argh... Why do we do that to ourselves?!
I feel in this pass year that my mothering has blossomed into what feels right. Now, I am not working toward mother of the year! I mean parenting is hard! Believe me, I'm not the only person who thinks so! I try very hard at my job, sometimes I slip up. My son is good kid but often I'm sure he reflects back at me the impatient, loud, angry person that I must be like some of the time. We are pretty good at working up a vicious cycle where he doesn't listen, I get frustrated and start yelling, and someone ends up crying. It could be me. Wait. Most of the time it is me...
I guess my point is, is that we must believe that we are doing what we feel is best for our child even when you feel like the world is against you. I think if at times you feel like a failure you must be doing something right.
So do I feel like a failure as a mom? Sometimes. Not usually anymore. Sure, there are things that I wished I did better and I am working on becoming a more patient parent. But, my confidence lies with knowing I am doing the best with what I got and trying to respond with my heart and not out of frustration.
I keep list in my medicine cabinet that I read when I brush my teeth everyday of the important things that are reminders of what I base my parenting on.
And yes, laughter is on there twice because lord knows in moments where you think you are going to explode and possibly need to be locked in a padded room, if you stop and laugh you realize that its not the end of the world and really its not even a big deal. So do what you feel is best and take pride in it even when people disagree or don't like it and remember your child is a human and you should treat them with the respect as you would a dear friend . I often remind myself of a favorite quote by Kittie Frantz when I have doubt or when it seems like it just would be easier to react rather then to respond "Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being." And because of that I am proud to be that mother I am even in the moments of doubt... I know I am doing the right thing.
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