Six years

You did not come quietly in a darkened room like I had planned.

You abandon my plans.

Your entrance was bold, loud, and under blinding lights. 

On a crisp wednesday in January, a tiny 4 lbs. 15 oz. baby came 3 weeks before we imagined. 

From the moment you were born , you have always done things in your own time in your own way. 

Your birth brought me to my knees. 

Everything I stood on collapsed underneath my shaking feet.

I felt terrified. You, the tiniest baby I'd even seen, defeated every logical thought and idea I had of who I was and I... 

I fell. 

I fell in love.

I fell into confusion. 

I fell into darkness. 

I fell into failure.

I fell into doubt. 

And when I could not fall anymore, 

I fell at the feet of Christ.

In room 16 at 11:25am, your first breath became my first breath. 

The very first time you opened your eyes was the very first time I could see. 

 

We have walked an amazing journey you and I. Six years of growing. Mostly me. 

As I change your shirt sizes and look for another snack for you, you flow and dance wisdom. 

Compassion, trust, patience, fatih and love were mere words and abstract notions in my life before you were placed into my arms. 

You became the most profound teacher Who had enough grace to show me how to reconstruct my heart. 

I cannot deny my almighty creator for He sat in you. 

He whispered. 

He moved.

He walked.

He gave me you. 

Happy Birthday, my sweet grace filled joyful perfect Monster. Here to the best 6 years I could have ever ask for of having the privilege of being your mother.